To Feine, or Not to Feine

...as in to drink lots of caffeine, or not. That is the dilemma as we approach Holy Week. Between leading two different services in the community that week and trying to get the word out about our own 4 services from Thursday through Sunday, what will I do to keep from a trip to the ER for exhaustion? This has never happened in all my years of ministry and all its stresses. I usually do a good job and it's usually more stressful approaching and thinking about things more than anything else. But caffeine would help even though I am trying to stay away from it.

But one other thing gets in the way here, and I am having problems with this new admission in my life. I am a coffee snob. Yes, I said it. As I opened up the other day, the cupboard in our kitchen specifically packed with shelves full of coffees, teas, and their different paraphernalia, I was looking for a good decaf that had been requested. As I stumbled through, I noticed the two small plastic containers of brand name consumer grade coffee. On the cans was the "F" word of coffee drinkers. I actually thought for a moment, 'I can't believe this stuff exists in my coffee cupboard.' In fact I was taught recently that this stuff isn't even coffee. As remarked by a local barista friend I frequently visit, "I make and serve coffee, other people serve Folgers." We both laughed that better than thou ha-ha-ha that sounds like a cross between Lurch from the Aaddams Family and the millionaire on Gilligan's Island. And this thought regressed into other conversations that have made me silently reel with disgust in my mind, while politely listening with smile to others applaud certain brands of coffee served in the dives and restaurants, and gas stations. My stomach has always churned at the thought of a fancy named brand that is served at the local jiffy mart and gas mall. Or even worse, when I have witnessed people actually drinking out of those machines that spit, gurgle, and steam some brown liquid into cups. Not only does the product look disgusting, but I have a rule about drinking anything from something that sounds like my grandmother nagging at me - eeennnnnnnn - plplpl - eeennnnnnn - gurgle - zerbert.

SO. There you have it. I am a coffee snob, who by the way, refuses to also drink Starbucks for ethical reasons. If it's not tasty without cream and sugar, doesn't have a spirit-lifting aroma, isn't brewed in conventional way, can be purchased at a gas station or even some certain fast food chains who are claiming to have "premium" coffee, and does not excite the palliate and call for conversation about it, I don't want it. So what's this have to do with me trying to stay away from caffeine? Why do you drink coffee, anyway? Duh.